Hash #16 - Urban Challenge Anal-versary Hash and snowball fight
16 January 2003
Hare: 3holer
Pack of 18: G-Adishi, Face First, Jolly Wanker, Princess Albert, Oral Support, What's My Name, Binjo Sniffer, Chief Suckass, Just Dan, Just Eric, Just Monica, Just Tom, Just Nina, Just Greg, Tonka Donka, Just Diane, S.I.R., Dam No Beaver
It was the hash that almost wasn't. Even though 3holer had called the Front Page Deli where the start was to be to make sure they would be open in spite of a few inches of snow that had fallen that day, the hash start point was closed. Luckily, the Black Horse Pub right down the street remained open and most hashers found their way there for the first beer of the night. After an hour of drinking practice, the hare presented the first of the trail clues...The first check is located at 10X + 47 Legion Street where 2Y = 4X and 6Y = 3X + 63. Just Greg solved this clue fastest. This led to a photo clue of a pioneer and then on to Mary's music (where Jimmy Hendrix once bought a guitar) for the first beer stop of hot spiced wine and Jack Danials shots. We also had an impromptu circle to name Just Bill and Just Dave. Just Bill was named "What's My Name (with name tattoo exposure motion). Just Dave was named Tonka Donka combining his large truck that looks like a Tonka truck and his large bodily part (forearm I think) which has been compared to a Donkey's. Jolly Wanker, who carried the beer stop, had the next clue which led to the W.W.II monument bell and then onto the Roxy Theater where an all out snowball fight broke out pitting the FRBs (front running bastards) against the rest of the pack. The official hash ended at the LACKBAY ORSEHAY. Violations will be awarded at the next hash. A few your humble scribe noticed were: Chief Suckass' lame attempt to add a boob check by adding a boob check into the snowbank. G-Adishi for best aim with a snowball (he must have been a pitcher in school, or maybe a catcher!) and for sticking a $20 bill into his zipper to tempt our "friendly" waiter.. Oral Support and Face First for being unable to write their names in the snow on trail. Binjo Sniffer for leaving the trail early to save his damsel in distress who had been stuck in snow traffic for several hours. Just Monica for using the men's room. S.I.R for unsuccessful flirting with non hash bar patrons.
Hash # 15 - The Holy Hash - Shell Station Convenience Store
4 January 2003
Hares: Ultimate 3Some and G-Adishi
Pack of 7: Spur Me Cockpit, Chief Suckass, Just LeAnn, Face First, Pet-a-Smile, Binjo Sniffer, Princess Albert
Hash #14 Parkway Animal Clinic
14 December 2002
Hares: Binjo Sniffer, Just Dave and Just Bill
Pack of 9 Face First, G-Adashi, Pet-a-Smile, Spur-Me Cockpit, Just Misty, Just Nina, 3holer, Oral Support and a 4-legged hasher Comet.
I fell down a hill, ripped my pants, got wet up to my knees in 40 degree water, crossed a raging river, had beer on an island, scaled a cliff, jumped a ravine, and sprained my pancreas laughing so hard on the hash; it was awesome and a truly shitty trail. The route was an A to A to B+ hash that was about 20 cubits long. We started early at 1 pm at the Parkway Animal Clinic which had just closed an hour before the start. We spent 1/2 an hour socializing before auto-hashing to the real start point a few miles away on a roadside where new houses were being surveyed. A chalk talk and another beer and the hares were away with the pack 10 minutes behind. It seemed everything was uphill until a long down hill which led to a count back 8 or a sideways count back infinity because we never found the trail mark back from there. After much, much searching, Face First and 3holer spotted the beer near truck along the next ridgeline over. Cutting through a few yards, trail was re-found and the rest of the pack actually followed what was supposed to be (and was!) a hard to find right turn back onto trail. Down the valley and on up a muddy slope to the first beer stop where Just Diane and a young sniper waited with cold Miller, the champagne of beers and water. We spent a good 15 minutes there before collecting ourselves for stage II of the trail. We started off along a powerline right of way before hanging a downhill left turn boob-check that followed a water runoff over limestone waterfalls down to a small island. We searched the entire island, searched the hillside trail that ran to the left and finally turned north where our small tributary joined the West fork of the Red River. The bank got steeper and steeper and the trail ran directly up the most difficult ascent. Once at the top the trail ran along side the river flow with some great senic overlooks before heading back down the hill to the river bank once more. The next beer stop was on an island in the middle of the river. You could make it to the river by crossing a deep gully or a washed out ankle deep rock crossing. After another long beer stop, G-Adishi grabbed the beer cooler and took off on trail with Comet and 3holer in close pursuit. We hit a deep cut along the riverside. G-Adishi went almost waist deep to cross at the river entry. 3holer made a dramatic jump over the crevas narrowly making the muddy shore on the other side and almost falling back in. G-Adishi drove on but 3holer decided to stay behind to try to convince other to jump the ravine. Noone took him up on it since the cut could be easily crossed 40 or so feed away from the river. This also made a great location to pee. At one point I heard a scream and looked back to see arms flailing in the air. Spur-Me Cockpit had slide down the muddy bank and was only kept up by grabbing a nearby tree for support. The trail then continued along the river, up an embankment and back to the river before climbing a small waterfall to the highground and the finish a few blocks away from the Just Dave and Just Stacy's house. They had the heater in the basement on full blast for downdowns and then we drank and ate weiners in the basement bar.
Hash #13 Outlaw Field
16 November 2002
Hares: Spur-Me Cockpit and Face First
Pack of 11: Just Dave, Oral Support, 3holer, G-Adishi, Just Greg, Just Jeff, Just Bill, Binjo Sniffer, Heavy Metal, Ultimate 3some S.I.R. and Comet.
Hash #12
Wal-mart (the evil empire) on 41A parking lot
12 October 2002
Hare: 3holer
Pack of 10 Ð Oral Support, Dr. H Toad, Esq., Spur-Me Cockpit, Just Joe, Binjo Sniffer, Just Landra, Layout, Pet-a-Smile, 2Fingers and a Hickey Snail Trail (MCH3), Jolly Wanker, an injured Heavy Metal, Comet and Dixie (4 legged hashers)
The trail departed the Wal-mart parking lot with an immediate game of Frogger crossing 41A into an apartment complex and the first check. We got away without buying any drugs when someone found true trail leading out of the drainage area behind the apartments up onto an old railroad bed. Binjo Sniffer decided he needed to mark some territory, and was there for quite a while! The trail then led to a boob check where the railroad bed met the first hard road. A debate ensued over whether Dixie counted (having 8 boobs herself) to check for trail with Joe. Down the hill and on left for a while to a T intersection in the road. Left was a dead end and right was a count back 8 from the top of the hill. This gave Oral Support, Jolly Wanker, and Hickey (et al) a chance to catch up with those FRBs Horny Toad and Layout. On left again into a nice ladyÕs yard (yes, we had prior permission to trespass). Thru a trail in the woods to a check by a dumpster. Into the uncharted woods for shiggy, thorns, and briers. [Lions, tigers, and bears! Oh my!] Back onto the road and down to a muddy run off area where Layout had a one hasher mud wrestling event. [ItÕs so much more fun when theyÕre topless!] Pet-A-Smile was quite the gentleman and helped all the ladies up the slippery-when-wet embankment. On up the soft sticky hillside to a drainage tunnel under 101st road to the beer stop. Which came just in time because Binjo Sniffer was starting to think that we would NEVER make it to the beer stop! After water and Flying Dog ales, and a stunning display of ÔSpirit FingersÕ from Layout, the trail led up the hill and then back into the swamps. Thru the shiggy and on up to the abandoned rail road bed again. Spur-Me came back from checking a trail shouting ÒWhat does three lines mean?Ó [How long have you been doing this, Spur-Me?] Along the tracks to a recently bulldozed clearing where Oral Support grabbed a hold of a tree snake (not a trouser snake) while climbing down the railroad embankment. Jolly Wanker and Pet-A-Smile had mini-panic attacks brought on by the snake sighting, but Hickey, being a closet herpetologist (among other things), was able to reassure the boys that there was nothing to fear. On across the field and around a church parking lot before turning left again along a dirt road and back into the woods for a view of some of the local Clarksville sink holes. Finally coming out into a neighborhood to 3holer and Oral SupportÕs house for keg draft beer, softies, and rum and cokes for Layout. Chips, weenies and smoky joe sausages were had. Heavy Metal made sure that the keg was safe and tested the beer for the rest of the pack. Congratulations to Landra for doing an awesome job on her first trail! SheÕs a natural hasher! Honor to 3holer for an absolutely outstanding trail!
Hash #11 - Black Horse Brewery
14 September 2002
Hares Ð 3holer and G-Adishi
Pack of 10 Ð Face first, Binjo Sniffer, Just Monica, Just Kyle, Just Tom, Just Eric, S.I.R., Ultimate 3some, Oral Support, and Spur-Me Cockpit
This was the 2nd half of the previous shitty hash on 24 Aug, only done backwards. The hares again took off towards the river but hung left and followed the soon to open Òrails to trailsÓ project towards a park in the historic Dogwood district of Clarksville. Through the park and into a tunnel that led to some deeper shiggy. A gentle climb led to even denser shiggy, which spit out the pack into someoneÕs backyard (yes the hares had gotten permission to trespass). Over the Confederate memorial bridge and back down to the railroad tracks to the beerstop beneath an overpass. The trail then meandered through downtown Clarksville passing where the previous hash gave up the trail ending behind the Thai House Restaurant. The mosquitoes were plentiful but so were the beers. Luckily the hares were prepared with repellant for everyone, and no one contracted the West Nile virus, east Cumberland River virus, or the Red River runs. The on after was back at the Black Horse.
Hash #10 Ð Black Horse Brewery
24 August 2002
Hares Ð 3holer and G-Adishi
Pack of 4 Ð Oral Support, Spur-Me Cockpit, Ultimate 3some, Face First, Comet (4 legged hasher), and a late Jolly Wanker
Apparently using the map in the phone book and a piece of string cut to equal four miles IS NOT an effective way to scout trail. It was a shitty trail that left the Black Horse and went straight to the river. Up the river walk and through the local cemetery, then into the local neighborhood. A trip thru the woods and into one of ClarksvilleÕs few slums. Then on through the campus of Austin Peay State University. This brought the pack to 1 hour of trail and no beerstop yet. Comet laid down in some left over ice and the pack called it quits and headed back to the Black Horse. (it was hot!) A quarter keg of RhondaÕs Scottish Ale didnÕt help the hares who had accidentally set 2 trails for the price of one.
Hash #9 Ð Clarksville Fairgrounds
10 August 2002
Hares Ð Heavy Metal and Jolly Wanker
Pack of 13 ÐFace First, G-Adishi, Ultimate 3some, 3holer, Just Andrea, Just Mike, Just Heather, Just Monica, Layout, S.I.R., RU Deep (Music City H3), 3T (Music City H3), and Minute Man (Vienna H3)
The trail left the Fairgrounds and headed straight towards the car dealership where a quick left turn led the pack into the swampy runoff of the nearby river. We found basketballs, soccer balls, and a idiot throwing trash off the side of the hill into the ravine where we were hashing. The trail then led through the woods where we lost trail for a while (missing a dead animal on trail) but regrouped along the riverside back in the park. A short trot along the river and the hash was over at the opposite end of the park. Trail was cut short because of a pack of wild, rabid, fornicating dogs. It was such a hot day I donÕt think anyone minded the shortness too much. At the circle Just Andrea was named ÒSpur-Me, CockpitÓ for her flying abilities and cavalry affiliation.
Hash #8 - Murphy Park (aka Rotary Park)
27 July 2002
Hares - Layout and last minute volunteer Deliverance
Pack of 13 - G-Adishi, Face First, Just Andrew, Just Scooter, Heavy Metal, 3holer, Jolly Wanker, Roy A-Cup (formerly Just Curtis), Slow and Easy Screaming Slut, 3T, Flush, and Ultimate 3Some (formerly Just Theresa). RU Deep was the designated driver for the MCH3 Crew. Head Bitch was at the start and finish and even introduced us to our newest hash recruit Chloe (6 lbs and growing).
What a day. We succeeded
in naming Just Curtis and Just Teresa.
Awesome trail (what we
could find) with tons of shiggy. Cudos to the
hares Deliverance and
Layout. After the trail we bid farewell to Head
Bitch and Deliverance.
Next time youÕre in Clarksvegas, look up "Roy A-
Cup" (Just Curtis)
and "Ultimate 3Some" (Just Theresa). Live trails
and good shiggy. Thanks
to our Nashville neighbors, Flush, 3T, Slow &
Easy and RU Deep for
making the trip. OnOn (Heavy Metal)
Rotary Park (or Murphy Park as the hare, Layout, misled everyone in her directions) is a great location for hashing. Lots of trails, water, woods, hills, power lines, drop offs and shiggy. It was our first late start, which worked out because it gave folks who used the bad directions time to figure out where the start was. After a brief refreshing shower, we took off down the road and turned into the woods. A few quick checks led to another check in a small creek bed. Deciding that since the hares had very little flour to mark trail with and we were up shit creek with out a paddle, we headed up stream and right on true trail. This wound up the creek bed to the first and only boob check. No flashing but Just Theresa guessed (correctly) straight up steep hill. We explored the woods for a while and the hares did a great job of keeping us on trail without using very much of their precious flour. We got lost only once and eventually found trail again. (Thanks to whomever it was blowing their whistle or I might still be out there tonight). More great woods down to another dry creek bed. We knew we were definitely on trail when we found a small flour explosion on the slippery rocks. It seems the hares only dropped there flour bag and didn't go smashing into the rocks since there was no blood. On up to the beer stop at the Rotary Park amphitheater 54 minutes into the trail. Face First showed up last with blood running from her knee to he ankle sock. She had taken a spill with Just Scooter riding on her back. She's more of a man than I am. I don't think I could have carried him up that hill bruised and bloody. After the beer stop, the true trail went out the road to the right and back down hill to the end near the entrance to the park. After about 20 minutes we hadn't found the true trail and followed the trial leading to the beer stop backwards to where the hares had crossed their own trail near a small footbridge. On back up to the start where we auto hashed to the awaiting hares at the end. The hares drank for the awesome shitty trail. Slow and Easy Screaming Slut and 3T drank for being virgin visitors from MCH3. Hash shirts were given to Jolly Wanker, Deliverance, and Layout. Just Curtis was named Roy A-Cup based on a story about his protective cup falling out of his shorts while exercising. Just Theresa was named Ultimate 3Some after claiming that her usual drinking practice drinks; coffee, water, and wine were her ultimate threesome. Thanks to visiting RA flush for helping out with the naming ceremony. We farewelled Roy A-Cup, Deliverance, and Head Bitch who are all leaving soon. The circle closed with the traditional singing of Swing Low. On On - 3holer
Hash #7 - Dunbar Cave
13 July 2002
Hares-Chief SuckAss and Just Andrea
Pack of 14 - Just LeAnn, Just Ishmael, Just Wess, 3holer, Heavy Metal, Just Theresa, G-Adishi, Just Andrew, Just Scooter, S.I.R., LayOut, and Just Dan. IneedADick joined us for the circle and Tinkle manned the beer stops as well as hosting the on after.
The hares thought they screwed up the trail but if they didn't say anything, the pack would have thought they planned it like it was. Dunbar Cave Park has some great trails and we saw most of the uphill ones. The pack was following the trail great until the TC where the female hashers (also know as men of the opposite sex) decided to go find the trail without the help of the male hashers. They never did find trail, so we missed one of the hare's special rope climbs out of a muddy gully. What they found instead was the beer truck at the beer stop. So they at least redeemed themselves. The trail then went back into the woods but the pack missed this part and found trail at the corner of a road intersection instead. We then followed trail until we ran into a CB 15 (count back 15 marks). This turned out the be a hare mistake and impromptu correction. If the hare had done a CB 10, we'd have been right back on trail, but 15 took us too far back and there was some pack confusion until true trail was found and we continued on to the end where beer and a brief circle ensued. The on after, with good beer, was held a Chief SuckAss and Tinkle's house. I didn't know "spoons" was a contact sport, but at least 3 beers were spilled along with coffee and a couple of WWF-style smacks to the head. Your humble scribe even took both beer and coffee splash damage and someone drove a fingernail into my thumb, you bastards. After the final spill, the homeowners kicked us back out into the back yard again. Just Ishmael clogged up the toilet which overflowed both of the downstairs bathrooms with a layer of water and other fluids. This event reminded us that we need to get a HaShit plunger. Let's hope we don't have to G-rate the next hash; "we should be rollerblading!" just doesn't cut the mustard. Beer/wine cooler/rum and coke count was 6 cases.
Hash #6 - Billy Dunlap Park gate
22 June 2002
Hares - G Adishi and 3holer
Pack of 13 - Face First, Jolly Wanker, Heavy Metal, Just Curtis, Flush, Purple Peter Eater, Eager Beaver, Layout, Just Jennifer, Chief Suckass, Just Theresa, Princess Albert, and Just Andrea.
We had to substitute hares for this one. The first hare, Deliverance, had to back out to make babies. The 2nd hare, Face First, went toe first into her living room furniture and broke said toe. I didn't get all the gory details but I think it was bad enough that she had to call a toe truck. The start did not bode well. When the hares arrived at Dunlap Park it was closed for a private wedding that day that was to start at 2:30. The hash started at 2:00, Not to be foiled, the hares mentally rescouted trail and added a big count back at the bottom of the first hill where we would have come up from the park instead. The trail went along the high ground before dropping down to the trails along the river. This part is quite scenic with the deep river on the right and high cliffs an the left. The hares only found 1 trail up the cliffs, past a bear cave, and up around Clarksville speedway. After a beerstop on the other side of Needmore road the trail went through some more woods, out into some new housing construction, where the trail went through somebody's (under construction) house, and over to G-Adishi and Face Firsts house for the circle. We welcomed our first visitors from Music City H3, thanks for cuming Flush, Purple Peter Eater, and Eager Beaver. We also gave away hash shirts for 3rd hashes to Jolly Wanker, Just Theresa, Just Andrea, and Just Curtis.
Hash #5 - Kenwood High School
12 May 2002
Hares - 3holer and Heavy Metal
Pack of 8 - Just Andrea, Face First, Just Theresa, Just Stacy, Just Gabriel, Deliverance, Oral Support and Just Curtis. Head Bitch also paid us a visit with a bun-in-the-oven.
We started out with no beer on high school grounds, what were the hares thinking? The trail started out as a pavement pounder right down the road to a back check 16. The last became first and the first became last and the pack headed into overgrown grass fields. After a short time the terrain changed to shaded wooded single track trail up and down. At the top of the 3rd hill the trail took a sharp right and descended into a shallow creek bed. After flowing down the river for a short while true trail ascended a gentle waterfall and on up to the old rail roadbed. This would make a great Rails to Trails project someday. The trail wound it's way to the cliffs overlooking All American highway on over and back down to the real river that the previous creek flowed into a beerstop. The long tunnel under All American made an air conditioning effect that kept the area cool and mosquito free. The 2nd leg went through the tunnel and up through the woods and back to the start point. It was a short trail with challenging terrain. On after was at 3holer and Oral Support's house for the circle, beer, and weenies.
Hash #4 - Mystery hash
6 April 2002
Hare - Just Curtis on his virgin lay
Pack of 10 - Heavy Metal, Virgin Andrea, Face First, G-Adishi, Oral Support, Jolly Wanker, Virgin Todd, 3holer, Horny Toad esq., Virgin Teresa
It was like drinking practice with a hash thrown in. We started at the Black Horse Pub in downtown Clarksville. Hashers arrived and moments before hash start time, our virgin hare arrived with a glint in his eye and a bag of flour. We toured the war monuments of downtown before following the rails-to-trails project overlooking the river. Then through the steepest hills in Clarksville back around to the RR tracks. We followed the tracks to the Clarksville Historical Society, but everyone missed a small turn off just before the road and we all missed the first beer stop. We then had a nice straightaway were several hashers showed of their speed and endurance. The trail veered into a way too nice neighborhood, that I didn't know about and around to a scenic overlook for the 2nd beer stop, but the first on we found. From there is was an easy to follow trail back to the Old High School condo's for the circle. We honored the virgin hare for a truly shitty trail. I think the hare may have been lying about it being his first lay, it was that good. Perfect length, great views, interesting routes and varied terrain (and 2 beer stops). The virgins we welcomed (Horny Toad was giving free adjustments). There was a disappointing lack of flesh shown by the virgins.
hash #3 - the 3rd times the charm
Hare: 3holer
Pack of 4 - Oral Support, Just Curtis, Face First, G-Adashi
Started at Calee's 2 Sports Bar on 41A. The first check was at a 4-way intersection but the trail went off into the woods instead of taking the roads. This gave the hare plenty of time, but 3holer still missed a small deer trail through the briar patch and instead went directly through the best/worst part of the patch. Into a neighbor hood and across 101st Airborne Division road to the beer stop. After Black dog ales, the trail followed a riverbed, up into a construction site, through a tunnel back under 101st, into a neighborhood, back into a low wetland, up to an abandoned railroad bed and into the hare's back yard. We were joined for the last part of the trail by 3 young neighborhood kids (Tyrone, Josh, and Joseph) who briefly told the pack to go the wrong way but couldn't stop giggling and the pack got back to the real trail. The circle was a beer drinking affair. Down downs for the hare for a shitty trail: just Curtis, for being a virgin; and some others
hash cash is at $25.00
Hash #2 - Twice as good as the last one
9 February, 2002
Hare: G-Adashi
Pack of 5 - 3holer, Oral Support, Face First, Heavy Metal, and Princess Albert. Just Comet also ran.
The hash started at the fire station across from the Clarksville Speedway on Needmore Road. Pack took off after 12 minutes with a 3 minute walking warm-up. The trail took us around and then through the Speedway pit, along a slowly flowing creek bed down to the West Fork of the Red River. We traveled along a river path with cliffs on the right and frigid water on the left. stopping in Billy Dunlop park for a beerstop. The 2nd half of the trail led away from nature and into construction sites where we lost trail and short cutted to the end. Ok, what really happened is the Oral Support and Princess Albert found the check and ignored the trail laid into the neighborhood. 3holer and Heavy Metal got suckered into following the Short Cutting Bastards. We honored G-Adashi for a truly shitty trail, welcomed Heavy Metal and Princess Albert as virgins, violated Face First for technology in the circle and Princess Albert for not signing in or paying hash cash, and Oral Support for something (my memory was getting a little fuzzy at this point, or I was distracted by wieners on the grill). One final note, we received our first hash relic. The pewter pisser was donated by Heavy Metal.
Hash #1 Black Dog Founding hash
26 January 2002
Hare: 3holer
Pack of 2, Oral Support and Face First. A sick G-Adashi joined us for the circle.
The hash started from the Ringgold Road post office. The first half of the original trail was skipped based on the unanimous vote of the hare and pack relying on the old adage that "no trail can not be improved by cutting the distance in half and adding a beer stop." We motor hashed directly to the beer stop and had a beverage. Then on to the shiggy fest that led through a neighborhood to a count back, into the woods, down a slippery and muddy creek bed up through a construction site, back down through a tunnel going under 101st Airborne Ave, back into a neighborhood, along an old rail road bed and finally ending at the hares home for beer and deer-beer chili.